Canon Compliant 02: Radical Self-Acceptance

Fanning AOA

Hi there. Welcome to another issue of Canon Compliant, the talk-show segment of Active Faults where I speak to a fan about their experience.

Today’s guest is another dear friend of mine, Amelia, who’s one of the smartest, most selfless souls I know. Please say hi to everybody.

A: Hi, this is Amelia. I’m 27 and I’m currently a 2nd Year PhD student (a.k.a. Permanent Head Damage) in Bioengineering in the UK.

E: [laughs] Hopefully this call takes you away from the labs for a bit. I hate the question “who are you a fan of” because the preposition denotes possession, and that fans belong to their fan objects. So I’ll ask it differently. Introduce me to your fan identity.

A: I’ve hardly been a “real fan”, not on your level anyway [laughs]. It has never occurred to me that I should want to spend money on any celebrity, or take the time to get to know them. My first concert experience was Zhang Jie’s tour in 2017, and even for him I’ve never contributed financially or joined any fan communities. I just liked his music. Until…

E: Until…

A: Season 1 of Queendom [idol competition show in 2019], where I discovered the K-pop girl group AOA. Their performances on that idol competition reality show mesmerised me. I went down a rabbit hole, digging up and devouring so many blurry video clips of their past TV appearances. It was a portal to a new world.

I had been living life as a realist up until that point: developing an interest in STEM subjects, pursuing STEM degrees, enjoying pastimes that are very hands-on and practical, like volleyball and guitar. I didn’t know that fanning could be an activity in itself. That I could be after pure enjoyment and spend my time like this, on things like this, proudly and unapologetically owning up to being entertained. It was a radical revelation to someone who was raised to think that “star-chasing” (追星) is meaningless.

And I didn’t know I could love like that. It was shocking to find that I could love a bunch of strangers with whom I don’t have much in common. We come from different countries and cultural backgrounds, yet I can appreciate their distinct personalities and their group spirit. They have such a moving emotional bond.

E: They’ve been active for a long time now, no? The true veterans of this industry.

A: Exactly. That’s a crucial part of their charm to me. AOA never had an easy way up. They were never your usual K-Pop success story, bagging music show wins and awards from the get-go. This workspace is cruel and so much comes down to luck. Considered as one of the most notable groups of 3rd Gen, they sure had their peaks and “explosive” moments. But they also had numerous flops. Youth means everything to the idols, but especially the female ones. The fact that they were willing to essentially start over and compete alongside 5th-gen idols on Queendom is admirable. It takes courage and it takes willpower to showcase their growth to their fans. I felt like I was fated to witness that rebirth, after everything that fate had done to them and only because it had done so.

E: That’s when you know you’re down bad. You’re locking in.

A: Pretty accurately put, yes. I bought albums for the first time. I put up posters on my bedroom wall for the first time. I became active in their super topic, and befriended two other fans with whom I crowdfunded. We pooled our money together and got a gift for the youngest in the group--a pair of shoes--and we posted it to their company. We even wrote a letter and translated it, and I did all of that in the UK. It is only after I sent off the package that I realised how far I’ve gone. That I went to such lengths, committed so much of my time to this practice of being a fan. I liked all the logistics of it. I liked overturning two decades' worth of my world views and reaching for something so beloved and so removed from my reality. It was refreshing and I felt proud, as if I took a huge step forward and it meant something for my life as a whole. And then…

E: Then…

A: A former member of AOA, Kwon Min-A, accused their leader of abuse on the 3rd of July [2020].

To be honest, I never questioned the leader, Shin Jimin’s character, and I trusted my judgment.